this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2023
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Neurodivergence
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All things neurodivergent and relating to the broader neurodivergent community (and communities).
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I'm the father of a son with Asperger's/High Functioning Autism. (He was diagnosed just before Asperger's was folded into Autism in general.) As I was reading up on Autism to see what my son was going through, I realized something weird. All these books on Autism were talking about me.
Now, once always known I was different, but I chalked this up to "stunted social growth due to excessive bullying in high school." Of course, this didn't explain why I did some things into my mid-30's.
I came to the realization that I'm Autistic. It was a tough realization to come to. My entire sense of self felt like it was destroyed. Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong and I needed to rebuild my sense of self from scratch. Once I got over the shock, though, everything about my life made a lot more sense.
I never got a diagnosis, though, for various reasons. It would cost money when money was tight. It wouldn't have helped my son and I also had (unknowingly) developed coping mechanisms. So I'm undiagnosed, but 100% positive that I'm ND.
@TechyDad @neamhsplach I hear many stories of parents discovering their own #neurodivergence through trying to protect, help, and advocate for their children’s (or other family member’s) needs. You are not alone. @actuallyautistic @audhd @Adhdinos #actuallyautistic #autism
@TechyDad
It's profound, realising that you're autistic .
I wonder why some of us find it so traumatic, and others so liberating?
Maybe it's to do with how it happens. For me, I came to this self discovery after struggling with severe mental health problems that didn't seem to have any explanation.
Realising I'm autistic was an incredible release from self blame.
I think there's a unique journey for parents of autistic children, though. And not an easy one.
Be kind and patient with yourself.
@neamhsplach
@Zumbador I find the realization of my #neurodivergence liberating in the it lifts the veil of mystery around my challenges. But there are still challenges. Now at least I might try improving that state. @TechyDad @neamhsplach @neurodivergence
@Zumbador @TechyDad @neamhsplach A lot of it may boil down to this:
Was #ActuallyAutistic a label chosen *by* you, as a result of accurate and compassionately-communicated information?
Or was it chosen *for* you, by people who were more interested in trying to “solve the problem” that is you, and are ultimately not motivated by acting for your own well-being?
(I spent most of my life in the second camp, and even on the best days, the term “autistic” is emotionally fraught for me.)
@dpnash
Very true. And definitely something late realised autistic people are often not aware of.
But I meant to ask a different question, which is why people in the first group (realising they're autistic vs having been diagnosed by someone else ) sometimes have such different experiences.
@TechyDad @neamhsplach
For me, it was traumatic in the short term, but liberating in the long term and I chose it for myself.
In the short term, it was traumatic because it meant everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong. When you get to your 30's, you have a pretty set in stone view of who you are and why you do things. Realizing that I'm autistic shattered that self view. Suddenly, reasons why I thought I did many things were wrong and were replaced by other reasons.
This was traumatic, but I eventually (over a few months) rebuilt my sense of self to include autism. This rebuilt sense of self was stronger than before. Thus, the short term trauma led to longer term benefits for me.
Would I want to go through this sense of self shattering again? No, but I'm glad I went through it then.
@TechyDad Welvome to the not-so-exclusive club! I am actually working on a formal #diagnosis. I recognize certain #challenges in my life — many of which I’ve battled my entire life — that I really want to improve if I can. Clutter. Piles. Demand avoidance. Anxiety. The panic of deadlines. Social #anxiety.
Of course everyone’s path is different. But if you do have challenges that bother you, don’t overlook the chance of getting help. #actuallyAutistic #AuDHD
I've got to ask, I'm still figuring this whole Fediverse thing out- is your user account hosted on Mastodon or Lemmy? This comment was posted to the Neurodivergence community, and your account comes up as a Lemmy account, but then it's implied that it's really coming from Mastodon (and I had no idea hash-tags and the @ symbol would work across both).
@Mummelpuffin This account is on a #nastodon host. So if you’re seeing it on #kemmy then I’d offer, “Welcone to the #fediverse!”