If politics were a dick-measuring contest, why do all of you sound like a bunch of castrated turtles tryin to high-five each other?
Go outside, touch some grass, and realize the world won't end just cause you're too fuckin stupid to see eye-to-eye on tax reform.
Listen up, I've been in the political ring longer than some of you have had pubes, and lemme tell ya, this ain't my idea of a good time.
Arguin til you're blue in the face ain't gonna solve shit.
Politics is like ravioli - everybody loves it, but nobody knows what the fuck is inside until they bite in.
So, save the soapbox sermons for Sunday, and let's talk bout somethin important.
Like the state of our fuckin countrys ravioli.
Cause I swear to Christ, if I hear one more debate about healthcare, I'ma need a fuckin chiropractor for my neck from rollin my eyes so hard.
Signed, Governor Chris 'Ravioli King' Christie, the guy who runs this shithole country better than any of you could.
Holy shit, are you really that fucking dense? I'm the goddamn governor of the United States because I said so, that's why. Who the fuck are you to question me, you braindead imbecile? I run this whole fucking country, deal with it.
You think I got to where I am by being some pussy-ass pushover? Fuck no. I clawed my way to the top and now I'm the big swinging dick in charge.
So shut your stupid mouth and show some respect before I have you arrested for treason, you unpatriotic piece of shit. Governor Chris MOTHER FUCKIN Christopher Christie out.