this post was submitted on 21 Nov 2023
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Indiana is among at least 10 states that have enacted laws prohibiting or restricting students from using pronouns or names that don’t match their sex assigned at birth, a restriction that opponents say further marginalizes transgender and nonbinary students. Most of the laws were enacted this year and are part of a historic wave of new restrictions on transgender youth approved by Republican states.

The measures are creating fear for transgender students and sowing confusion for teachers on how to comply but still offer a welcoming environment for everyone in their classes.

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[–] [email protected] 62 points 10 months ago (6 children)

Amazing these types of laws haven't been struck down in a country where freedom of speech is worshiped like it's one of the 10 commandments.

[–] ickplant 43 points 10 months ago

That's because it's really 50 countries in a trench coat pretending to be one.

[–] FlyingSquid 28 points 10 months ago

Freedom of speech is worshipped in the Elon Musk way: I can say anything I want but you better not dare say anything I don't like.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

That's because the party that worships their ideal of free speech is the same one attacking these children. After all, if Republicans didn't have double standards, they'd have no standards at all.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

You are talking about a different party. Everyone knows the GOP stands for big government and micromanaging regulations.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

And the 10 commandments are worshipped as if they ever existed.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Its sorta funny because its the only thing the two extremes can agree on. There are people who want to enforce individuals choice pronouns and want to enforce not using the individuals choice pronouns without taking the speakers rights to speak however they are going to.

[–] FlyingSquid 48 points 10 months ago (1 children)

We're in Indiana. My daughter is in middle school. Her best friend is a trans boy. Even with supportive parents, the school calls him 'she' and deadnames him. It's so disgusting. My daughter said every time they used his deadname, she would get confused about who they were talking about.

[–] ickplant 27 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This is so messed up. My heart hurts for those kids.

[–] FlyingSquid 25 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, and her friend is really psychologically messed up as it is in a lot of ways. Being trans in middle school is, I'm sure, hard enough just dealing with other kids. And the school he's in has a real bullying problem. We pulled my daughter out and put her in online school because she was being bullied so much without the administration acting on it even though we pleaded with them. If the administration won't protect my cis daughter, I don't even want to know their reaction to her friend.

[–] ickplant 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

And if these kids make it to adulthood (we all know how high the suicide rates are, and that’s not the only source of concern), they will have trouble finding therapists who can help even if they can afford the years of therapy for the trauma inflicted by the fucking bigots.

My friend who is not even trans but just socially progressive could not find a therapist in MS that wouldn’t push god down her throat. I can only imagine how those therapists would behave with a trans person.

And in case you are not aware, the therapist has to be licensed in the state where the client is located. So me being licensed in CO, I cannot see kids or adults in MS or any of the other states with horrid laws without jumping through many hoops.

[–] FlyingSquid 9 points 10 months ago (2 children)

We have that trouble here too. We had to find a therapist for my daughter that didn't do the Christian thing. My daughter has been an atheist all of her life. When she was six, she told her grandmother, "when I stay over on the weekend, I don't want to go to church with you anymore because I don't really believe in god." But this is Indiana, and finding some non-religious counseling is not easy. Thankfully, there is a low-cost counseling center we found and she has a therapist she really likes. I don't know about her friend though. I know he is in therapy but I don't know much more than that. His parents are definitely supportive- they call him by his chosen name, they use his preferred pronouns and they buy him chest binders, but they apparently are crazy and bad parents in other ways. I know he self-harms and he's 13 and already vaping and smoking weed. If I didn't know my daughter as well as I do, I would probably encourage her to stay away from him as a bad influence, but he doesn't pressure her and she isn't really interested in either. I'm not shocked that he finds a way to get weed since we're on the border with Illinois, where it's legal, but where does 13-year-old even get an e-cig?

Anyway, despite his issues, he's a really good friend and I hope he makes it through school okay. I'm glad the internet exists so that they can stay in touch all the time even though they're not in school together anymore.

Sorry, I'm sort of rambling here. I just feel really bad for her friend and I wish I could help because he's clearly not doing well.

[–] ickplant 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It gets so complicated with trauma, and he really needs a great therapist, which like you said is hard to find. I'm sure your daughter is a welcome sight in a life where so many people bully him. It's tough, and I'm afraid it's only going to get tougher with these crazy groups like Moms for Liberty and such.

[–] FlyingSquid 2 points 10 months ago

Oh yeah, Indiana will make it much worse for trans kids if the legislature can get away with it (which they can). I'm sure my daughter helps him cope, but she's definitely not enough and I worry he won't make it to adulthood.

[–] Drivebyhaiku 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You are probably helping more than you think. Growing up trans in the 90's I had the opposite problem of just not having words for what I was going through. I had great parents though who made themselves available to my friends, if you were over at our place come dinnertime you were invited and they showed an actual interest in their lives... Which was often more than what their parents could offer. We ended up creating a family and all of the friends I have had from middleschool to my mid twenties ended up being part of it. That tribe has weathered a lot of hard knocks. Kindness is it's own reward as they have supported my Mom now that she's a widow.

I think young adults need a sounding board of multiple actively invested adults who care to be successful. It's part of becoming their own healthy person. What these laws ultimately do is try and isolate kids so their only legal sounding board is their parents which means if you are one of these kids who can't trust their parents you end up getting the guidance you need from other people your age, not experienced adults. A lot of folk growing up depended on my parents and now that they are adults in a position to be there the script has flipped. You never forget the people who were there when you were at your most vulnerable.

[–] FlyingSquid 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm not really helping at all because I almost never talk to her friend. I've barely had the opportunity because he's only been over once and I was mostly busy while he was here. But I hope my daughter is helping by being a good friend and accepting him for who he is, not who society wants him to be.

[–] Drivebyhaiku 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

If you want to, making your place and time available and showing some interest is awesome. It is definitely above and beyond parenting to offer to be there for your kid's crew. Just having spaces you know your presence isn't just tolerated but actually welcome is in short supply when you are a kid and sometimes regular kids, not even trans ones, learn to expect their presence to be a burden.

The first few times friends would have dinner with my parents they would be wary and have their guards up. They just didn't know how to react to an adult who was not their parent showing interest in the stuff they were up to. It was in many ways their first brush with adults socially treating them like they would an adult and giving their interests and work a sense of weight. I know it's not for everyone, sometimes parents just don't have the resource of time or mental energy to be there that way... But if you are looking for a way to be a lighthouse in the storm it's an option.

[–] FlyingSquid 1 points 10 months ago

I try to be a friendly dad and I'm good at making my daughter and her friends laugh (my days doing standup finally paid off!), so that helps. Now if only I could get my daughter to invite him over again. It's harder to convince her to do it now that they're not in school together and she's becoming more introverted, but I'm trying to change that.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 10 months ago

a restriction that opponents say further marginalizes transgender and nonbinary students

Which is, of course, the point. Being cruel to people they dislike always is with Republicans.

[–] spittingimage 26 points 10 months ago

Congratulations to those lawmakers, who have clearly solved every other problem affecting their district so that they have time to police people's names.

[–] agent_flounder 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Makes me sick to my stomach thinking about how much these kids will suffer. Fucking asshole bigot lawmakers. Hurting others who are different just for the sake of it.

[–] ickplant 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Right during a crucial developmental time in their lives. Also makes me sick.

[–] agent_flounder 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

One of my kid's best friends came out as trans about the same age as in the above

Parents don't seem to be supporting him. I worry. I've known him (and family) since he was a baby.

I don't know if it's because of their religion or just discomfort with the change. But I think they will do right in the end because they're not without empathy.

Thankfully, the city and school district is inclusive and supportive because we aren't run by backwards-thinking, cruel, oppressive assholes. So the kid stands a chance and is doing ok for now, has friends, etc.

We've tried to make it clear that we are here for him over the years. They are almost like family to us. Can't imagine what it would be like to feel like everything is against who you are inside at that critical age.

As rough as some of the teen years were for me for various reasons, being actively persecuted, having authorities suppress my identity, and dealing with gender dysphoria on top of it would, I imagine, take an awful lot of fortitude to survive.

I want to ^^^metaphorically slap these people in the face.

[–] ickplant 3 points 10 months ago

Trans kids have to be some of the strongest people I know. Like you said, they are already at a rough time in their lives just from being teens, and to add dysphoria, bullying and bigotry on top of that.. it's just so much shit.

It's terrible that you kid's friend's parents aren't supportive. He is lucky to have adults in his life like you who offer a safe haven. Based on what I've seen in my clients, having just one supportive person can create a resource that you can use your whole life.

[–] RampantParanoia2365 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

Followed by "Home of the brave."

That whole fucking quote is a lie.

"Land of the fee. Home of the scared shitless brainwashed old fucks." Should be the revision

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] ickplant 22 points 10 months ago

It is. These absolute freaks want to ruin trans and non-binary kids' lives, there is no other explanation. It's just cruelty.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

Remember when they were freaking out about how Canadian bill C-16 was the end of free speech or something because it defined constant and deliberate misgendering from institutional workers as criminal harassment, I bet they think restricting students from using someone's preferred pronouns is a good thing because it fiGHtS tRAnSGeDeRIsM.

[–] ickplant 10 points 10 months ago

Never forget when they said the quiet part out loud at CPAC: "transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely." He didn't stutter. And later the bastard claimed he didn't mean trans people because he used the "-ism." Infuriating.

[–] Drivebyhaiku 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Yeah they call it "compelled speech" but they don't get it. They can say whatever the heck they want on their own time, the only consequence being is that trans people and those who understand trans people might not like them very much. You already aren't allowed to call a co-worker or customer something like "fat", "ugly" or "mentally ill" for example in a work senario without being remanded to HR because we as a society realize the harm it does to the people who that is levied against. You have to work to live so being forced to put up with that shit or take the financial hit of needing to find other potentially less lucrative ways to support yourself just because someone isn't empathetic to your circumstances has inspired legal protections. It's the exact same principle!

The "Freedom of Speech" crowd is usually the most callous anti-social bunch I have to work with. Acting like you are going to burst into flames if you have to hold your tongue when you are on the clock or in a meeting with rules of decorum is like dealing with a toddler who refuses to put on their shoes when leaving the house.

[–] jpeps 2 points 10 months ago

I was thinking this exactly. I remember Jordan Peterson saying he would not correctly refer to someone if "he was forced to". The obvious part being that he wouldn't do it if he wasn't forced to either. And here are more conservatives forcing speech and patting themselves on the back for it.

[–] Fades 6 points 10 months ago

What a fucking joke

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

These laws help with teen suicide! I'm a Pro Life Republican so OBVIOUSLY I want MORE teens to kill them selves!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

These same people were more than happy to politicize teen suicide when trying to end mask mandates and COVID restrictions. Suddenly it's not an important issue to them anymore.

[–] ikidd 5 points 10 months ago

Caring about life ends at birth for Republicans.

[–] halferect 2 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Just being cruel for the sake of being cruel... the republican way

[–] BilboBargains -3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Why are Indians so racist?

[–] Cort 3 points 10 months ago

The correct demonym is Hoosier