this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2024
135 points (95.9% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35466 readers
1165 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

This is about to be some real shit about a failing (failed?) marriage. Get out now if that is not for you.

My wife and I, both in our 40s, have been together for a long time, 20+ years. About 10 years ago our daughter was born and that was pretty good. I was stupid and had an affair during that first year because I was immature and, in retrospect, wasn't able to handle the shift in my wife's attention from me to my daughter.

We worked it out. We moved to a bigger house that is paid off. My mom died and left us all some money. Then my wife was diagnosed with MS about 4 years ago and things have been on the decline.

We haven't had sex in a year and neither of us again expects to. She has been depressed and I don't know how to help her. We recently, like yesterday, determined in a mutual discussion that we no longer had a romantic relationship, but that we had a good partnership for raising our daughter and generally handling life. While it was good to get an unspoken truth out there, it hurts. I think that we both feel lonely in the aching soul sort of way. Last night, when we went to bed, for first time that I can recall, she didn't say, "I love you," and neither did I. My Prozac is working overtime, and she shuts down when I suggest mental health support for her.

So, here's the question. What now?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's possible that a trial separation might give you both the space to breathe and find the right words to say. The marriage doesn't necessarily have to end (especially for insurance purposes here), but you might want to start considering whether the relationship has simply run its course.

Fostering a strong partnership based on helping your daughter navigate healthily and happily through life might benefit you more than trying to keep propping up an unhappy marriage.

Also, some couples find new ways to communicate or relate to each other again after dealing with certain issues. There's not necessarily anything stopping you from resuming the relationship later (obviously I don't know you or whether there are barriers other than the ones mentioned) when things have potentially become less strained.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Serious question: How does a trial separation work with a child? I remember having a divorce scare when I was little and it still haunts me. I can't imagine telling my kid "well we are separated now because we want to try out how it would be if we divorced" and letting it live through that limbo of uncertainty. Even if we get back together - that will they won't they seems to be too much to bear for a child. We are always told to be clear and consistent with our kids and this is definitely the opposite of it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Well, my parents divorced when I was 5 and for a while before that there were periods where my dad would leave and then come back. I'd go to his apartment every other weekend. He's a shitty dad though, so it didn't really "work."

Basically, I was told that my parents were having problems understanding each other (they explicitly said no when I asked if they were falling out of love but I can't remember exactly what they said was occurring) and it was causing everyone to be sad. So they needed time apart to think. Idk, I handled it fine (I have other childhood issues that fucked me up) but older kids almost always have trouble with it.

This doesn't need to be done alone though, there are a lot of professional and online resources for what to say to your kids and what to do now. Also friends and family to talk to, if that's not too uncomfortable.