I second OVH, been using their services for the best part of 2 decades now, and I can't see myself migrating out unless something big happens.
I really love the ease of editing DNS zones and the free dynamic DNS with your domains. A self-hoster delight, for sure.
Holy... This is one of the most deranged things I've ever read...
I had to stop reading 3/4 of the way, I couldn't take the craziness anymore.