gosh_darnit
I have two dumb ones, but here it goes.
(1) This one is more of a missed connection... In high school, I went to a regional robotics competition (FRC). I was a total dweeb at the time (and still am, I suppose) and mostly kept to myself. During the competition, we'd set up booths in a large event hall, similar to how trade shows are laid out. Our neighboring team had this an adorable and verrrry outgoing guy, who I was crushing on the entire time. He was unfathomably cute and I couldn't help but steal glances every few minutes. I would feel butterflies every time he looked over. Even looking back many years later, I can still feel it.
At some point, he came over and started talking to me. I was stumbling on my words the entire time. I don't remember it entirely, but at some point, we hugged for what felt like an eternity. I wish I could remember what led up to it. But being an horny and touch-starved teenager, the hug instantly gave me a boner in the middle of a crowded convention hall. I pretended to tie my shoe while my blood pressure settled a bit. He grabbed my arm and started leading me toward a less-crowded part of the hall.
That's when my teammate came up to me and reminded me that I'm not allowed to go anywhere without a partner/teammate present. And that was that. I never saw him again. I wish I had gotten his number. I still rue that nothing came of it.
(2) In my early 20s, I met this guy on Grindr (or maybe Tinder), very much my type. I was head-over-heels for him and I was hoping he felt the same. Maybe I was a bitter and misanthropic 20-something-year-old, but I felt like he truly was a good person, genuinely beautiful on both the inside and out. We were going at it for months (or maybe a year+?) and it had gotten to the point where he met my friends and some family. I thought things were going swimmingly.
He decided to join Peace Corps. And we ended things mutually.
He came back a few years later and re-settled in our city. On a couple occasions, we had beers and chatted. At some point, we went to the movies, shared a joint, and I spent a night with him and we just cuddled for a night. He never really expressed interest in anything romantic during his return, so I chose to not pursue it further.
We're still friends on Facebook and I love seeing and hearing about his journey through life. But I don't know if he was ever interested in anything more. I still sometimes go through pictures of him and it gives me a big goofy smile seeing him. Ugh.
tl;dr: I was chasing someone who I couldn't tell if he was interested in a romantic relationship or not