I think the women you are looking for aren't on Tinder. Dating sites are dominated by fake profiles, bots and grifters.
Low effort swiping leads to low effort trash interactions. Get on some different sites.
this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2023
-4 points (43.8% liked)
askmenover30
514 readers
1 users here now
Related communities:
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Tell me the different site and I will
Hinge, Match, Bumble, Okcupid.
Is eHarmony still around? That was a good site for finding serious partners when I was single. Match was okay too. The best place to meet women is IRL.
Unfortunately the dating apps are mostly enshitified at this point.
See if you can find an IRL club to join with people who share an interest. You might meet someone interesting that way.
I'm in two social groups but it's 90% men the few women are sick of being hit on
Ngl, dating apps be suckin'. As someone who found success on them, I still point people to other means of finding a partner if possible. Have you tried something besides Tinder? Tinder is very much an app for people looking to fuck.
I've used all the big dating apps. I want a relationship but would be happy even if a woman was just willing to fuck.
Dating apps now suck. I’d recommend keep working on yourself like you already are, and ask someone out IRL
Several of my friends have told me getting hit on is uncomfortable and not to do it. So apps are my only option.
Asking someone out in person is fine. Start up a normal conversation if you can, if it goes well ask them out or ask if you can give them your number or something before you walk away. If they say no you accept it, stay polite and move on. No one reasonable will have a problem with that as long as you had a normal genuine conversation. You're not hitting on anyone at that point.
It's not easy and your friends might be right, but perhaps you are focusing on the wrong thing in their advice. Don't "hit on them". Be present, attentive and confident. If a girl likes you, talk with her more about your shared interests. Try to arrange group activities, where you can be together with other people. Build relation and trust over time. And remember that being confident means being ready to take "no" for an answer without making a big fuss about it. Good luck!
Just meet people. Make friends before girlfriends.
Not to be a dick, but if meeting people was that easy these apps wouldn't exist in the first place.
I think the biggest problem is that dating apps are so impersonal. I know that isn't super helpful but it's nature won't change imo. The advice I would offer is take breaks, especially when You're starting to think like this. Just get off them for like 2-4 weeks and when you're feeling up for it pick them back up. It's gonna take a good bit of time so time off is crucial if you don't wanna burn out.
Apps are impersonal, but several of my friends have told me that getting hit on is uncomfortable for them so real life isn't an option.
Taking a break isn't really a good option either. Opportunities to talk with a decent woman are so exceedingly rare that I can't risk missing one.
The majority of them don’t ever reply, the few that do put zero effort into the conversation and often just want ~~money~~ sex. Once in a while a ~~wo~~man agrees to meet then just doesn’t. What the actual fuck? How do you ~~guys~~ girls handle this bullshit?
To be fair, I heard very similar stories (see the minor edits) from my dates. Apparently, dating sites suck for both sides. Low effort, low result.
It helps your own sanity and attractivity to not generalize and act as if the other person is genuinely decent. If they are not, move on. If they are, at least you did not screw them up for the faults of other people.
Yes, lots of women are interested in actually dating, but many, like you, suspect every other person to be a horrible experience. So each side is busy with their negative expectations and fears, plays defensively. And of course, the asymmetry does not help either.
Generally, I think it makes sense to slow down or stop or change if what you are doing becomes too frustrating for you.
Or maybe my experiences don't translate well to your area/bubble/whatever. You could talk to your female friends and see what their experiences are.
Well said! I was going to pop my head in here to say something similar to the "low effort, low result" idea. I think that's primarily the problem. Meeting people with substance isn't just a swipe away, but most people on those apps think it is.
Looking to connect with people via sex is NOT the same as trying to manipulate lonely people with false hope so they give you money...
Ok? That's not what I meant or said. If you approach people with this self-centered negative attitude, no wonder they don't connect.
How did you find people who reviewed stuff in exchange for money?
Delete all dating apps, and most social media. For me, I don't have apps for Instagram or Facebook on my phone but will log in in the browser if I need to contact someone.
I found that dating apps were not good for my self-esteem and were therefore counter-productive. It's like speed-rejection on a daily basis.
You just have to get out and find activities you enjoy where you can also meet people. Dating apps were not a good tool for meeting people for me. I had success with coed sports though.
Just forget about chasing women for a bit and work on yourself, which happens to also include some coed activities. Some areas have kickball, coed softball is everywhere, get out there and do something, build up confidence instead of letting dating apps and social media drag you down.
If there's a 0.01 percent chance I'll find a girl on a dating app then it's better than the zero percent chance I have without it.
I'm honestly sick of being told to "work on myself". I've been fucking doing that. I've lost over 100lbs and I'm in therapy. I've been making friends. I am working on myself. It doesn't help.
I thought it was bullshit advice when people told me that too.
I think the key is that when you "work on yourself" it's not necessarily about losing weight, becoming more attractive, getting a better job.
For me it's more about gaining confidence and improving your own self esteem. If deep down you don't feel like you're worth dating, then you won't exude the confidence that will be required to be attractive to someone.
If dating apps are helping you meet people more than they are killing your confidence and self-esteem, then by all means continue to use them.
For me, they just made things worse.
It's difficult to gain confidence and self esteem while constantly being shot down by women.
Dating apps aren't helping at all. But what other option is there?
It was tough because for me I was into a lot of things where I would just never meet women.
Super Smash Brother? Never met a woman Magic the Gathering? Same Rec baseball? Same
For me it was getting into coed softball, but there are other sports if you didnt play baseball growing up.
Some areas have coed kickball in the evenings and people are holding beers while playing it's basically just a big social thing. There are organizations like MySocialSports that organize those things.
I know a guy who met a girl playing in pool leagues.
You could try Meetup, there are organized singles events on there.
I have the same problem where women aren't interested in anything I do. It feels wrong to change myself and my interests just to appeal to women.
Sounds like you have major insecurities.
Also, try other platforms than Tinder, like Boo.