What something you wish you had done during your 20's? : AskKbin

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Now that I'm in my thirties, I can answer this. Two things come to mind.

First, really should have just done college after high school. I really wasn't looking forward to more school after graduation and wasted about 5 years before going back for my CS degree. I'm in a good place now, but could have had a 5 year head start on life if I'd just gone straight in.

Second, please take better care of your health while you have it. I was skinny as a rail in my early 20s and sort of took that for granted. I'm not obese or anything right now, but as you get older keeping in shape takes conscious upkeep. Get in the habit now and it'll be easier to maintain later. It's harder to lose the weight once you have it rather than keep it off.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

great answer. im currently doing what you were doing all those years ago, procrastinating more school, so you and the other person's response about getting a degree sooner rather than later are resonating with me. if only i knew what to get a degree in 😭 and great advice about health, especially dental hygiene

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My advice for picking a degree: pick something that you want to do, but also something marketable. The degree is useless if you can't get a job in it.

If you're worried about college being difficult, it can be, but 95% of your success is going to be based on motivation. I was a TA in college, and the best students were the ones that asked questions, came to office hours, and participated. I saw many a "smart kid" bomb a test due to overconfidence.

If you're not sure what to do, you can start with general education credits or even do the first part of your degree at a community college to save money. A lot of times a 2 year associates degree will serve as the first 2 years of a bachelor's.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (4 children)

this has been an eternal struggle for me as someone with ADHD. i cycle through hobbies weekly to monthly, i never stick to one thing. one month something can mean everything to me, and the next, i never want to touch it again. this is what makes it hard to pick a career to do for life, i don't actually know what i like. it's like i like everything, but actually nothing. i decided i need to just buckle down and pick something i can stand to do for life, considering IT. i think if i work hard and try to stay motivated and disciplined, i can make it through like you said. i def plan on doing community college for the first 2 years.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

For IT you could do Computer Science, Information Technology, Computer Engineering, etc. There's a whole lot of angles you could come at it from too. Would you want to maintain systems or develop them?

If databases interest you, you could be a DBA. If networking interests you, a network engineer. If you want to do development, you can focus on front-end development, back-end development, full-stack, embedded systems, and more. Maybe hardware interests you, so you'd like to be a computer engineer. Computers/IT has a lot of components to it, and even if you find yourself a person that likes to bounce between different things, there's a lot here that you can bounce between. School will have you touch a little bit of everything, and you can find that part you want to specialize in.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Community college is a great place to start, allows you to get your toes wet without too high stakes. Speaking as a software engineer, don't worry to much about the adhd stuff, there are a lot of us in the tech field (being able multi-task well and hyperfocus on something we are somewhat interested in are actually pretty valuable in his field). I'd probably advocate for making sure you adhere to a strict schedule for a bit when first starting out, makes it easier to not burnout on school long term (it's hard I know, but once you establish those little habits school stays more managable).

[–] goetzit 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I relate to this feeling a lot. I’m not much further ahead of you but i am at a point where i have a solid career ahead.

I bounced around a lot too as far as interests go, and I still do. I would say go for what sticks out the most and makes the most practical sense. For me, that was CS, i had started picking it up in high school with some classes, but then there would be long stretches where i never write one line of code.

In my opinion: work is shit. There are shitty jobs, and less shitty jobs, but if work isn’t shit, it doesn’t pay (why pay someone to do something you can do yourself?). What you need at this point is discipline. There were plenty of times i wanted to give up on college or CS in general but I recognized that I would only make life shittier by doing so.

A lot of people will tell you that you should find something you like doing. This is terrible advice, tons of people go into fields they love that don’t have a lot of job prospects and assume they will be the exception. Find something you don’t mind doing, but will bring you success. Don’t think of it as a lifelong commitment. With money comes freedom. You can always change careers down the line if you truly hate every position you get.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I think this is a good point. Work doesn't have to be a passion of yours. It shouldn't suck the joy out of your life, but there's nothing wrong with with just seeing your job as a job. I currently work as a software engineer for an insurance company. I don't give two shits about insurance. But my team is good, the work is fine, they let me work from home, so i don't mind it.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

As others have stated here, CS might be a good fit for you. I don’t have ADHD, but I’m neurodivergent, above average intelligence, and easily bored. I also know that, for me, work is absolutely shit. CS has allowed me to have an endless array of related skills to veer off into side quests, projects, whatever you want to call them. It keeps me from stagnating and the pay can be enough motivation to show up.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (11 children)

i considered CS but went with IT for a less math-heavy focus, i am absolutely shit and way below average at math

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

It's tricky. Depending on what direction you take, CS can be very math heavy or not. If you get into algorithmic stuff, deep learning, data analysis, etc., that has a lot of math. But if you focus on, for example, front end development, there's not that much.

I won't lie and say CS has no math. At my university, you were able to avoid higher level calculus by doing a bachelor's of arts instead of a bachelor's of science. Calculus 2 is usually the highest level you have to take, which focuses primarily on integration. I was kinda in your boat of being hesitant to do CS because of the math, but I ended up minoring in it. The CS-focused math is mostly logic stuff and discrete math, which I feel is way easier than calculus. And honestly, calculus isn't nearly as bad as its reputation would have you think (until Vector Calculus, that almost broke me).

Look into it, but I'll say that while the math is there, it's not as bad as you're probably thinking. And if you know you're not going into heavy algorithmic stuff, see if there's a path that avoids most of it. And once you're out of school, you'll never touch calculus again (unless you do a lot of physics, maybe? Game dev, perhaps?)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Oh crap you’re right. My brain loves math, but like you, my ADHD son struggles with it. IT is a great way to work in the same field without the numbers nightmare!

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As someone with ADHD choosing CS as a major was the worst mistake of my life.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

why is that?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

A degree where moat of your classes grades are from projects you can't panic complete the night before is incompatible with my condition, and now I have all the debt of a BS from my failed attempt with none of the potential

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I was able to get in the best shape of my life in my late 30s, but it took living alone, not having enough money for food, and having four acres of property to keep up so I could sell my house.

Mowing for three hours on a small bowl of rice and beans or pasta with vegetables three times a week will melt that fat right off. But you'll be miserable almost the entire time.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Basic dietary and lifestyle improvements, especially as they relate to snacking, are drastically easier to make when you don't have a decade's worth of bad habits holding you back. I wish I'd started cutting back on pops and energy drinks and chips and chocolate at 22 instead of waiting until I was 32 years old and pre-diabetic.

Also, fucking floss. It's not bullshit, and it's not a scam to help Big Dental sell you flavoured string. It's a real thing you should actually do. Especially if you're like me, still eating like a fucking teenager into your 30s.

[–] Acronymesis 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

fucking floss

I got on the water flosser bandwagon a few years ago, and it has changed my life. I used to HATE flossing, simply because the string floss method takes forever (absolutely deserved if you call me out for impatience here!). I now have a water flosser, and floss just about every day.

If some of you don’t know, you may brush every day, but people can tell if you don’t floss. The in between the teeth stink is very distinct, and brushing does not get rid of it!!

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not served in the military.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Whatever it is you're talking about right now: not service connected

Sincerely, VA

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

"I don't know anything about your problem with the military but you're wrong to blame the military for it" yeah, checks out as a typical response - lol.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

My buddy is trying to get me to go to the VA to see if they'll pay for my CPAP machine until the recent burn pit bill which I definitely qualify for. I just really don't want to deal with the VA.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Definitely go to college before having kids. I’d also encourage you to travel, and have fun. I’m in my 40’s now, and although I went to college and obtained my degree before having kids, that was like my singular focus. I was married by 21 and had my first baby by 23.

Obviously I’d never regret my three daughters. I just wish I’d gone mountain climbing, bungee jumping, skydiving, traveling, scuba diving the coral reefs, learned how to ride a horse and maybe become a cowboy… etc

For sure I could 100% do any and all of those things now.. but that would take energy, and time off from work, and who knows the nextlevel shenanigans my now 3 teenage daughters would get up to while mom’s on a midlife -existential -fact finding mission…

Oh… yeah… listen to the flossing advice too. Dental pain can be excruciating.

[–] lyam23 2 points 1 year ago

Flossing, yes. I neglected this for years nearly resulting in serious gum disease. Treatment was a very bloody, very painful multi day debridement. I floss daily now.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm sure you're probably looking for answers like "took LSD" or "partied with friends" but, from someone that did that, my answer is 100%, without question: got a fucking degree. Any kind of degree. Now, in my late 30s, I don't have time between work and family obligations. I've missed out on so many better paying jobs, even ones that I was over qualified for based on experience, because I don't have a degree.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

smart answer! need to get on this, im nearly 21 :0 my big issue is i dont know what to go for

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

It doesn't even need to be a degree, honestly. You could go learn a trade. There are many trades that pay much more than many white-collar desk jobs. I'd say check out your local community college, trade school, or similar to see if anything looks interesting. Contact them and request more information or even a tour if something does. Regardless of the route you take, you definitely want to learn some sort of marketable skill. Also, there's nothing wrong with pursuing a career that's just tolerable or boring, but pays the bills. You can seek fulfillment outside of work.

As far as not knowing what to go for at 21, I just worked after graduating high school at 18, and it wasn't until I was 23 that I decided to go back to school.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Definitely travel. It would've been nice to be able to get out of the states for a few weeks before I had all of the responsibilities that come with a full-time job, folks depending on me, a whole-ass flock of birds, etc etc.

My goal is now to (hopefully) travel before I'm 40 (currently 34, 35 in October). I'd like to hit up the UK (I've got a good friend there) and Japan (I'm a huge weeb), if possible.

My advice to the youngins out there: If you've got the means, definitely do a bit of travel between either highschool and college or college and a full-time job.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Agreed. Travel if you can when you're young, or just make sure to not have kids or put it off a while so you can get to a more money-making part of your career and can afford it more without being tied down by children.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Can't tell if that's a joke but sounds awesome that you're taking care of a whole-ass flock of birds :p

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Absolutely agree. If I could go back in time I'd find some way to visit Asia and Africa in my 20s, maybe involving working as an ESL teacher (as many of my friends did this throughout Asia).

I was lucky enough to be an exchange student in High School in Western Europe and do some traveling in college in South America. After that, I wasn't able to afford travel until I was in my 30s. So for anyone still in High School reading this, be sure to apply to any study abroad programs now!

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Invest in stocks. Get a four year degree. Purchase a shitty starter home even if you don't like it.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

If you're unhappy now, in your 20s, do something about it NOW. I'm in my mid30s, and I doubled down several times on the "generic success" pathway - career, marriage, house.

I am fucking miserable. At this point, I have trouble justifying extracting myself from any of it. If I had just ripped a few bandaids off at 25, I'd be in a way different situation.

Nothing in you is core. If it isn't serving you in a way to get what you truly want, find a new way to interact with the world. No one else will do it for you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I got a degree and took a lot of drugs. But I think I should have been more sensitive and treated people better. That said, I believe your twenties is truly about being a dick so you can learn why being a dick is not a good idea in Capital Letters for the rest of your life.

(I'm literally 40 today, have a wife and a son, and main concerns are getting the shopping done on time and playing digital board games)

[–] Manifish_Destiny 3 points 1 year ago

I wish I didn't drink heavily in my 20s. It destroyed my physical body, and caused a lot of heartache.

I didn't get a degree, but that worked out great.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I wish I didn't fear getting old back then. I felt old at 23, 25, and 28 and dreaded reaching my 30s. It made me feel it was too late to do things and made me settle for less way too many times.

I am in my early 30s now and no longer give a fuck. You are only as old as you think you are. I'm now trying to get started on things I wish I had done in my 20s, and hoping I reach my potential a decade from now.

[–] DudePluto 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'm 27, but right at this moment I'd caution my younger self not to build my future around someone else. Twice now I've found someone I wanted to marry, and, well, life happens.

Anyone can leave you. Yes, even them. None of us think we'll break up with the one we love but it happens to almost all of us.

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Had better work and fitness.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I wish I'd gotten help for my anxiety disorder while I had access to health insurance in my early 20's.

Moving to: m/AskMbin!