This is why ethical non monogamy was invented.
this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
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Ironically, it dispels enmity
That's not ironic. At most, it's surprising 🤷
Literal irony, ethical non monogamy, commonly abbreviated as ENM, dispels enmity.
For a second there, I thought you going to go with explaining how it's like iron 😁
Sure, but the people in to it really need to stop pressuring people who aren’t.
In my experience polyamorous people are more insufferable than vegans.
I get it. You like to sleep around. I’m not interested in being your third, fourth, fifth or whatever. Leave me and everyone else not interested in your cult - oh sorry, I mean “lifestyle” - the fuck alone about it.
Sounds like that group needs to have a conversation about being non-monogamous.
It can actually be a pretty awesome way to live for some people.
I have been in 2 polycules and the second one was more a collection of couples that like to trade and share. The first one was just the 3 of us.
Currently single but meh, I'm enjoying it for the time being.
Dated a poly-amorous person for a while, I can't say I've tried being poly myself as I have a hard enough time getting in a relationship with one person at a time, but ending up as the odd man out as they split their time between work, kids, and any partner but me didn't feel good.
If you try again, lay out your expectations as to how much attention you expect, as it seems as if there wasn't good communication on that and you committed more than they did. Poly and monogamy ultimately have the same largest hurldles: bad communication and bad actors.
We did. She approached me about dating and we talked for a while about expectations before really going for it, that's what made it hurt. I knew going in that I wouldn't be able to have her around as much as previous relationships, but the "expected time together" suddenly became none because she "wanted to focus on her career" but posted on facebook whenever she was with others, which was about as often as normal for her.
Edit- I think she just decided that her needs/wants changed and she just didn't want to hurt me by breaking up, but not doing that was just as bad.
Question, how does one of those end? Curious about the second one in particular. Did you break up with your primary partner then leave? Did the couples vote you off the island? Just curious
Basically I quit drinking for both my physical and mental health and a few of them insisted on wanting to drink around me even though I said that it made staying sober really hard.
One of the key culprits in the insisting on drinking around me was the dude I was dating on the time, but that didn't last more than a couple instances of them getting hammered while I stayed sober.
So I said that I didn't want to be around the ones who insisted on drinking if they continued their shit.
Then the ones that didn't drink around me kept telling me that I was being too harsh on staying sober, and they started insisting that I could drink in moderation.
I said I had tried that in the past and I failed miserably at staying sober.
Then I tried to reach out to them the following weekend and they told me that they had decided that they were going to keep drinking and partying.
So we parted ways.
Honestly it was pretty mutual, though they decided my sobriety was a deal breaker independently of me deciding that their drinking was a deal breaker.
Kinda hurt at first but it didn't take long before I realized that I was happier not around them then around them. So I'd say I came out ahead.
Last I heard the group broke further when a few of them started getting into hard drugs a few months later so I guess I dodged a bullet there.
The first one ended pretty badly and it hurts to talk about in detail to this day. But long story short it ended over the course of 3 days: day one one died, day two I took it poorly and started drinking again, then day three the other one died due to a DUI (they had failed in sobriety as well) then I basically fell full long into alcoholism again.
Ow, the first relationship's ending sounds really rough, I feel for you :/
Godspeed to your sobriety!
Currently I'm 5 years sober which is the longest I've been sober since I was 12 years old.
Honestly sobriety is pretty great.
It had some rocky moments during the first year but it's only gotten easier with time.
Yeah that first poly relationship ending was also the first time my sobriety failed.
All in all to get to this point in sobriety took 4 tries but it was worth the effort.
its a trap
"Hi, I totally don't have beef with you. Could you please be at this location at this time? Thanks bunches"
Well shit when you put it that way.
Real or fake, anyone involved with this is a shit person
I mean, if everyone involved was cool with the situation, are they shit?
No but they are lacking communication
Communication is so very very important
Without communication it's a really shitty situation
I dunno, it looks like they are communicating to me. Just not everyone is involved in the convo.
It's not a bug, it's a feature 😉
They'all lying to each other, so that's not great
She is shitty for cheating him without telling him. He knows and is okay with it but she doesn't know that. She also doesn't know he cheats, and he doesn't want her to know, so he is shitty too. The side boy is shitty too for participating in all of this. He might not have known she had a BF, but now he does and doesn't care.
Unless the partners are chill w/ it?...
The spirit of jolly cooperation
Praise the comment \[T]/
This is cheating, not polygamy. 🤦 No one involved with this wants polygamy. They all had an expectation of monogamy and broke it, only to benefit themselves. If they tried polygamy, it would only be one sided and break hearts as their only intention is to benefit themselves amd they no longer care about their original partners in the first place. Stop using cheating as a springboard for your toxic lifestyle choices.
This is not true. People often cheat cause they care for the relationship, but don't know how to change problems. We are told time and time again that relationships are working magicaly and that 'with the right person everything is easy'. We are afraid of losing someone we care about, when suggesting poly or having an open relationship. We are afraid how our religios Parents are reacting, if we could lose our job.
The only thing that is toxic is calling something toxic.if we blame each other it just create shame and people not talking to each other.
They might care in other ways but they don't care enough not to cheat. It's that simple.
If you don't talk about opening the relationship, you are breaking the trust, there's no excuse around it.
Okay cheater. Tell yourself what you have to.
The mind games people have to play with themselves to feel better about doing shit things...
"Honey, I've been cheating on you because I really care about you. I'm doing this without your consent or knowledge for our good"
Yeah, that sounds perfectly reasonable. /s
The toxicity, in their city... In their ciiiiii-tyyy...