this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Asidonhopo 13 points 1 day ago

Greece was 3000 years early to OPs game

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Had this friend who swears he was straight. But. He loved dicks, coz they're "so aethetical" and despised vajayjays coz "they're disgusting axe-wounds". When i dared saying he sounds more gay than straight he was furiously pissed and in the end quit the friendship coz I'm just "straightphobe" and seeing gays everywhere.

I didn't really know - being a logical being - how to react to all of this. He was dead serious. Even offered to suck me off and got pissed that i declined due to not being bi nor gay.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Even offered to suck me off and got pissed that i declined due to not being bi or gay.

That's hilarious, I wouldn't know how to react lmao

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

In hindsight it kinda was funny. Though also supersad, seeing him THAT delusional just because we are the remnants of a generation brought up with hate for gays. I didn't really cared about his sexual preferences. He was a great dude. Yet he's gone due to this repression of such a trivial matter.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 days ago (2 children)

straight men don't cum when getting fucked in the ass by a man

???

[–] davidagain 22 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Straight men have prostates too. If the other guy has great technique, who knows what could happen!

In other news, greentexts are sometimes a bit of a wild ride, and I maintain that the best ones always are.

Humanity. We're a diverse bunch. We really really are.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil 6 points 1 day ago (2 children)

If the other guy has great technique, who knows what could happen!

I'm a man. I can make myself cum. Therefore, I must be gay.

Humanity. We’re a diverse bunch. We really really are.

I agree with the sentiment, but the idea that a dude - particularly a young horny dude - isn't going to cum with a fucking sexy whisper in his ear is crazy. Never even mind the Kinsey Scale, this seems to deny the idea of being horny.

[–] davidagain 4 points 1 day ago

In other news, my friend got me to try carrot in his meat and potato pie, and I was all "keep that orange shit off my plate" but he was persistent and I caved and tried it for the first time in a decade (with a big chunk of meat) and I didn't hate it at all.

I shouted at him when he fed me "some kind of exotic shredded fruit peel cake, try it, it's really moist and tasty" and when I liked it admitted it was carrot cake. I shouted a lot, and he just laughed at me and offered me another stupid delicious slice, the git.

So I think the lesson we all learned is that when I think I can't possibly be persuaded to try something and that I find the very idea unpleasant, I might well be wrong. Quite, quite wrong.

So, Jamie, wherever you are these days, sorry. If I had my time over I'd give it a try. The internet agrees with your point about who gives the best head, and I hope you're happy somewhere with some lucky guy who is indeed having the Jamie "I wouldn't just blow your dick, I would fucking blow your mind" treatment. Seems stupid in retrospect not to have said yes.

You did say "call me when you're drunk and horny enough". Well, today's that day, but I don't have your number and there's no way I'm involving our parents in a decade-overdue "Does Jamie want to come round to play?"

[–] davidagain 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I’m a man. I can make myself cum. Therefore, I must be gay.

Once I did it with my right hand, but I'm left handed, if you know what I mean. You really notice the dick in your hand when you do it that way, I can tell you. I learned some things about myself that day. Things I didn't tell my homies, despite them all having dicks that I had very much not been thinking about, but which must inevitably have similar fundamental characteristics.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Not with that attitude you wont

[–] davidagain 3 points 1 day ago

Are you saying that to experience a whole new type of sensational overload you would need to let go of your preconceived ideas and just let what's gonna happen happen? Give in and give it up? It's a lot to ask, a lot to ask.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 days ago (2 children)

TIL people still believe 4chan bullshit is real.

[–] davidagain 20 points 2 days ago

It might not always be a window into how other people live, but it is always a window into what other people think about.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Every greentext is based in some reality

[–] davidagain 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Indeed, indeed.

If one is only bi on the Internet, is one really straight?

[–] ikidd 20 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I'm so confused. I think I'm just going to go soak in the tub and stare at my toes.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 days ago

I've known a lot of gay and asexual women that end up in this exact scenario

[–] captainlezbian 35 points 2 days ago (2 children)

What in the 4chan bullshit is this?

[–] Dogiedog64 40 points 2 days ago (8 children)

Anon is a closeted bi and open femboy, and just doesn't want to admit he likes it. Meanwhile, he's totally fine being someone's FB for free rent, but also feels guilty that he is kinda messing with his other friends in the meantime.

Basically, Anon is a moron.

[–] CleoTheWizard 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Sounds more to me like anon isn’t romantically attracted to men but is sexually. Which is very confusing if you don’t have words for it but that simple language/label would solve anons problems

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It’s exactly that. 4chan bullshit.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago

> writes gay fanfic with really weird twists
> wtf, gay shit is fucking weird

[–] nutsack 56 points 2 days ago (1 children)

being a fuck toy for free rent. holy fucking based

[–] [email protected] 71 points 2 days ago (5 children)

I've heard it called being "homelessexual"

[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] Shard 44 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Fake and Gay

Gay, Anon is gay

Fake, Anon claims to be straight

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[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds 182 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"Dude who's in denial about being bisexual has hobosexual relationship with another man, is shocked that they developed feelings"

Yeah that 100% checks out actually

[–] [email protected] 115 points 3 days ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 153 points 3 days ago

straight but bi when it benefits me

Brother, you're bi.

[–] [email protected] 163 points 3 days ago

Straight but being bi unlocks additional dialog options

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

op is pretty fucking based ngl

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

What does based mean? Edit after finding out: That's wild. When there are many other words to describe the same thing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

authentic and in touch with who he is

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[–] [email protected] 85 points 3 days ago (5 children)

I can't believe no one else said this but I feel it's necessary...

Fake and gay

[–] [email protected] 72 points 3 days ago

Queer and insincere, even.

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[–] VelvetStorm 50 points 3 days ago (17 children)

Can't tell if oop is transman or transwoman or cis guy on hrt. No matter which one they are still bi and should just learn to accept it.

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