this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] troglodytis 64 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Brickhead92 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint, he's gaining on you!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf

Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf

[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Plot twist: Dad knows about the monster in the woods and that's why he wants to make sure anon gets home on time.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] VitulusAureus 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

And OP is the blind girl.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And the beatings are to strengthen him for when the time comes...?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

I get beaten twice a week.

Although my beaters call it jiu jitsu.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago (1 children)

being followed in the forest at night is a special kind of scary. even when you know it's your imagination.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

On the other hand with an active imagination not being followed in the forest at night is another special kind of scary. You can imagine all kinds of ways you could trip over something and lie there unconscious or hurt and unable to move and nobody will find you for hours.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Oh no. I'm lost in the woods at night. I hope a spooky werewolf doesn't come and get me.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

Instance doesn't check out

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Oh no! Then you might become a cute werewolf! OwO

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart 3 points 1 month ago

Stupid sexy werewolf.

[–] over_clox 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My dad left like 10 years ago for milk and eggs. He came home in an urn. ☹️

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Milk and eggs for a fast shrinking diet. Noted.

[–] over_clox 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Not like I really cared to give any details, but aside from his prior existing health issues, he basically died from swallowing grits and eggs that were way too hot and he basically boiled his esophagus.

What's worse is that he was old and stubborn and refused to go to the hospital for like 5 months, and he spent the last month of his life finally in the hospital, but way too late. ☹️💀

TL;Please Don't Read - Make damn sure your food ain't too hot.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

TL;DR Hot meals can cook you.

I wonder if he was following the logic that a recursive addition of heat can cleanse him from growing gut pains.

[–] over_clox 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He was half paranoid and didn't trust doctors. He was hoping that enough rest time and drinking Ensure would allow him time to heal on his own.

And I wasn't allowed to call an ambulance, he slept on a couch packed with guns and straight up told me he'd shoot emergency people if I called them without his authorization..

Yeah, he was a bit eccentric, to say the least.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Good god, it's great you are still alive to print it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Humans are, in fact, made of meat

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

I feel like you were replying to another post\comment of mine.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

how hot was that???