Texas

Yeah the analogy falls apart, my bad. I guess the point I was trying to make is better put another way.

Many women are subject to some sort of physical abuse. For some, they have a partner who gives them bruises or worse whenever they are angry. Other women may have been slapped open handed once over the course of a 10 year relationship. Both of these things are bad, obviously.

Some women have been thoroughly educated on what to do in an abusive relationship. Some women have been taught their husbands are superior to them in a relationship and must be submitted to. People are equipped differently to handle things based on their upbringing and life experience.

Implying that every woman regardless of their background or relationship situation is giving permission to their spouse to continue being violent if they don't immediately leave is absolutely victim blaming. Like, you're right that they should leave. No one who cares about these women would say they should stay. Despite people like you and me telling them to leave their unsafe households, they keep staying. They keep dying.

Think of the cops responding to reports of violence, then leaving with nothing to show for it. Would this make the husband more likely to keep acting violent? Would it cast doubt on the wife's mind whether she was crazy? Maybe she routinely saw her mother struck by her father, and just accepted it. Maybe her husband apologized profusely and promised to never do it again, and again and again. Maybe she is financially dependent on her husband. Maybe dozens of other things, depending on which headline we are talking about.

Of course we both agree she should have left, but framing it as her giving permission for the violence to continue and escalate helps no one, especially not the victims. Police should take these reports more seriously. Abusers should not be given systematic reinforcment for their behavior. Families and friends should intervene when safety is compromised. This isn't because victims are helpless and can't do anything, but rather because they are often too close to the situation to be able to help themselves in time.

People need each other, let's not try to isolate them when they are most vulnerable.