Don't.
But really, relationships are hard in person, long distance is juat torture.
this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2023
10 points (91.7% liked)
Asklemmy
43571 readers
2762 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
You are gonna have the impulse that everytime you do meet in Person it has to be very intense and special. Try not to fall into that.You will burn yourself out this way. Try to still have time together where you got nothing planned and just want to be there for the sake of it. Even if it means being bored together.
It's difficult and painful. You will feel lonely many days, but can't act upon it because you promised yourself to someone else.
Think how long you will be long distance. Do you really want to live like this for that long?
Do you know each other IRL and are now switching to long distance, or has your entire interaction been online?
I know him for 1year and we are together for 4month... But I'm going to leave for uni in September (so I'll be in another town)
Of all the people from my freshman year of college who had long distance relationships at the start of the year, none of them were still in those relationships at the end of the year. That’s an incredibly hard / bordering on impossible time to maintain a distant relationship while you’re going through such an exciting time in your life. I’d say set yourselves free.
It’s going to be hard. I’ve tried it once when I had been with someone for eight months, and it didn’t work. But, I’ll give you some of the things that did seem to help at least:
- If your relationship is physical yet, try finding ways to explore that over Zoom/FaceTime while away
- Do things together at the same time. Like watch the same tv show/movie at the exact same time and text back and forth during it to comment on what is going on. I think Apple has some feature like that that I haven’t tried, but you don’t need that, you just need to start the show at the same time.
- Same thing for books or video games.
- Communicate. You or your partner will need space at times. Let that be okay and let it be okay to communicate that need.
Good luck to you.
Well, it depends. Will you be commuting home for the weekends or only visit a couple times a year?
In any case, leaving for uni is long term and without plans for moving together i don't think it can work.
I will try to come 2 weeks end a month and him 2 week ends too... And we plan to live together in two years when he could go to uni too
Edit : English is hard
Have a plan to both see each other regularly. And also have to set an end date where you’ll be together and no longer doing long distance.
I had one and it worked out. We were able to meet once a month in each other’s city or a new city. We agreed that we’ll quit our jobs and travel the world for a while after she’s done with her studies. After that we’d return and move to a new city together and now married.
We couldn’t have done it without having a good enough income to travel regularly but not tied down to move for each other. Without this end date it also wouldn’t have worked. We needed to work towards something.
How you react to self-induced feelings of insecurity.
And if you can trust the other person.
If you can't trust the other person or get insecure and start accusing the other of infidelity, then it's probably not going to work.
That is probably won't last and do you really want to lock you and the other person in when there is logically very little way to progress this fully without an effort to move closer.
Expensive. Won't last.
Reflecting on my previously 3 long distance relationships - I’d say a lot of time passes when there is distance.
Conversations are great, it’s like you have a best friend you can confide everything in. Then when you do have the chance to see someone after 6 months is going to take a little bit of time to warm up. Times together are amazing and then you have to go back home. Then you rinse and repeat the whole process.
I feel like I could have met some people in between all that time and matured relationship wise due to facing whatever issue in real time. With distance, you’re kind of stranded from trying to fix or talk things through when there is miscommunication or some mishap that happens.
If you have the patience and don’t mind the time that comes with distance then it might work out for you.