this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2024
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I was wrong; Walter left Gretchen! I don't remember any flashbacks explicitly about his departure; I think this scene is the best we get and we have to extrapolate from there. Maybe I'll have to binge the series again just to be sure.
I'll add one more piece of evidence: "All the things I did, you need to understand.... I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And... I was alive". I don't know if Walter is thinking as far back as episode 1 when he says this, but I'm willing to bet Skyler would understand it that way.
I should also admit my bias; having dealt with in-laws with severe cluster B personality disorders, I'm going to have a hard time feeling any pity for a narcissist. Even the ones that seek psychological help have statistically bad outcomes. Mind you, regarding Walter White and narcissism, I'm talking about actual NPD, which typically reveals itself at the onset of adulthood, not later in life. Lousy circumstances can certainly embitter a narcissist, and narcissists do often get worse with age, but I don't know of any real-world pathway for a normal person in Walter's position to become a narcissist. As for why this necessarily makes him indecent, I'd recommend lurking on r/RaisedbyNarcissists.
I think "he held himself accountable for his choices" might actually be our point of contention, but I have to admit I don't really know what that means to you. I never use the phrase. Walter was always accountable to himself; that was kinda the problem. Maybe having multiple jobs is evidence that he was accountable to his family, but we're also talking about a man motivated by the admiration of others, so the benefit to his family could've just been a byproduct.
Excellent points. Sorry about the history that led to your bias btw.
I think a lot about his admission to Skyler about having done it for himself because of how great that moment was. I think that it's most likely that it was always true, but he probably didn't realize it until he had a lot of time to think back on it and reflect. I've certainly looked back at how shitty I was when I was younger and had the realization that I had been a selfish prick but thought I was a good person at the time.
When I said that he held himself accountable for his choices, I meant that if he were a selfish and indecent person, he might've backed out of the responsibilities he signed up for when things didn't serve him. I think I remember that there was a flashback of seeing the house and that he didn't think it was a good buy because of the price vs his salary but he relented for the sake of his family. He stuck around with Skyler despite being pretty clearly unhappy. He stuck to teaching despite having a great scientific mind that could've achieved much more. When they got pregnant again like 15 years after having their first child, I'm assuming that it wasn't a planned pregnancy. Walter just kinda let life happen to him, and he took on more and more burden. He was committed to that family no matter how much they walked over him and expected their wants and needs to come before his own. Internalizing all of that expectation played a significant role in him snapping. He could've set clear barriers, gently or otherwise, or completely walked out, but instead he gave them everything until he realized he had already given nearly everything he would ever be capable of giving.
So, did he actually enter the meth business with the goal of giving them even more? It would align with his character before since that's really all he's ever done and maybe all he knows how to do. Or was he finally being selfish for once just before his death rattle that was coming any day now? It really doesn't matter. For me, I think it's possible that his admission to Skyler that he had been doing it for himself may have actually been one last lie, trying to atone for his sins that caused his family so much pain and damage; he may have been giving her what she wanted to hear to allow her to hate him and blame him; he may have been giving her the one, final thing he had left to give: his pride. It's possible that he was falling on his sword for the foolish gamble he took; he may have thought that he was only gambling with his own life which was already forfeit anyway, but he instead gambled away the lives of the people he was working so hard to secure. Ironic.
Or maybe he was just a total piece of shit from birth. Idk, I'm not Vince Gilligan lol.