this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2023
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Creative Writing

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When he was in its labyrinthine tunnels, Grimheim had felt like a whole universe. Up this high in the air, Hans came to an understanding of just how small it really was. All of the people he had ever known were down there. He wondered how long his mother would miss him. He smiled at the thought of just how angry Baron Klien would be about not being able to catch him.

Hans leaned on the cold balcony of the ship as he watched the only home he had ever known recede into the distance. He breathed the unprocessed wasteland air in, and let it escape in a long sigh. He was free, but he didn't know what to do. The iron bars of the balcony felt cold on his fingertips.

Fredder watched him from the glass portal, wondering if he should even bother. He understood. It had been hard on him too, when he first ran away from home and became a pirate. At the same time, people died. There was no guarantee the boy would even stay. He might even leave at the first town they landed at. Fredder looked down at his jacket, and all the medals that he didn't earn. He had torn it off the corpse of an officer. It had ornate stitches up and down the thick wool. Hans was shivering out there, wearing just a greasy jumpsuit. Fredder cleared his throat and opened the hatch. He couldn't allow that.

Hans was so lost in thought, that he didn't even notice the pirate walking behind him on the rickety metal walkway. He was caught totally by surprise when the warm coat landed on his shoulders. "If you're staying out here, then at least wear this. The wasteland is cold at night."

Hans flinched but looked up at him with big, appreciative eyes. His red hair covered half his face in a way that made Fredder's heart race.

Fredder continued. "It won't get easier." He cleared his throat again. "Avarice is a different place though. You're free to leave next time we land."

Hans was still looking at him. "I'd never feel like a prisoner here." The hairs on Fredder's arms were already standing up from the chill. Hans leaned on his shoulder to share the warmth. "Where are we heading to anyway?"

"With a cargo hold full of food it'll probably be somewhere close. Barter Town I'd say." He abruptly pulled himself away from Hans, who still clung to his arm. "Have you decided if you're staying? Barter Town is a free city."

Hans felt his heart quicken. "Of course silly. I'd rather steal like you than work for a living!" He forced himself close again and once again everything felt right. He felt Fredder's breath become shallower, as if he was trying to force himself not to feel anything.

"In that case -" Fredder forced a big smile, and spun Hans around. In a fluid motion he seized his shoulder and wrapped his heavy arm around it. He led pushed him forward as he walked. "It's time to properly introduce everyone to their new crewmate!"

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Seriously, be mean so I can learn. These 500 words are like my crash dummy when building a new car.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The only thing is, I couldn't really follow their movements, whose hand was where and when were they close apart or touching? I like to have an accurate description of movement when I read, otherwise I end up imagining something completely different. Other than that, it's really the whole story itself that builds up to this moment, the subtle things. But I'm not the best person to comment as I predominantly read books with a romance focused storyline anyways.

The story itself is intriguing too! Thanks for sharing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

thanks. I'll post stuff that builds up to this once I write it tonight